Monday, August 8, 2011

A New Era

It's 8:30 am on this Monday morning. The house is quiet except for the sound of me typing and the dishwasher going. I'm all alone. It's just me. 30 minutes ago I put my kids on the bus bound for their first day of school. For JJ and Zach it was no big deal. They've done this before. But Elijah, this is his first day of Kindergarten. I suppose every parent gets emotional when their kids go to school for the first time, especially if it's their last kid. But Elijah is special.

One year ago the sweet teachers at North Metro CDC were prying Elijah out of the car kicking and screaming! That went on for almost 2 weeks. Then we found out that he has a sensory disorder which just makes things harder for him. He's been a difficult child and this is why. So we started him in occupational therapy in May. Wow! Do I have a different child now! He was up and ready for school at 6:20 this morning. He ate, brushed his teeth and made his bed just like his big brothers. We walked up to the bus stop with him carrying his Spiderman backpack and he got on the bus, just like his big brothers. I am just in shock! He is a new child! Now at school, hopefully doing well. I pray that God protects him and helps him adjust. He has done a complete 180 and I am so proud of him!

But now I sit here alone in this quiet house for the first time in 11 years! I'm almost not sure what to do with myself. I have to do the typical things I do on Monday like go to the grocery store. But it's just me. I don't have to stop in the middle of the day to pick anyone up from PreK. I didn't have to drive anyone to school. I a bit at a loss. It's freeing and sad all at the same time. I've always looked forward to this time on my own...but now I'm not so sure I like it. I guess it will just take some getting used to. I start work soon anyway so that will take up half my days. I guess now it is time to find the real me somewhere past the mom.

And yes, I cried like a baby after the bus left with my boys, including Elijah, on it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Trying to get back in to it

Well, it's 4 am and I can't sleep. I remember that I was thinking about starting up my blog I figure now is as good a time as any. I noticed that the last time I blogged was over a year ago. Ooops! So much has been going on that I just really haven't had the time. Admittedly, I also thought that no one really wanted to read what I had to say. Then I discovered that this is really more an outlet for me than something for others to read.

A lot has happened over the past year. There are the typical things like school, work, vacations, amusement park trips, aquarium trips, pool days, etc. and then there are the other things. Elijah being diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, Joshua getting baces, Zach being diagnosed with an occulomotor (eye muscle) problem, therapy, psychological tests, anti depressants, thyroid medication......the list goes on. I won't try to update you on all situations at one time, but I'm sure they will come out at some point.

Right now what fills my mind is the fact that school starts on Monday. To my kids, this is a very BAD thing. For me, I have mixed feelings. Yes, I enjoy having my kids home and being able to do stuff with them and spend time with them. However, there comes a point when there has been enough time, for me and them. They are now getting on each other's nerves and need to be separated. It's tough to get them to do things on their own in the summer. They want me to entertain them. In that respect, I'm glad for school to start. They will be occupied with friends and learning and I get to hear about their adventures. The down side is the realization that all my babies are growing up. JJ will be in 5th grade this year, his last year of elementary school. Next year will be a whole new world..for all of us. Zach will be in 3rd grade, a point in life where learning, at least at Parsons, changes a bit and gets a bit more rigorous. I still remember him getting off the bus his first day of Kindergarten, so excited with a sweet little boy voice. Lastly, Elijah, my baby, will be in Kindergarten. All day. 8am- 3:30 pm with his brothers. I'm excited for him. It will be a great experience....and a challenge with is SPD. But what about me? For the first time in over 10 years I'm not going to have any children at home. Yes, Elijah was in PreK last year, but I still took him and picked him up at 1pm so we still had some of the day together. Now he will be gone all day.

I know they all grow up, but this is my last one. Once they start school I don't ever get them back again. I wonder if I have taken full advantage of the time that I had them home with me. I also wonder what I will do now since so much of my life has centered around taking care of them and now it will be just me most of the day. I'll go to the grocery store by myself and to work by myself....all things I thought that I wanted. But now I'm not so sure. I will miss my babies. I love them all dearly. But I guess it is time for all of to enter a new stage in our lives. I just need to find what that entails for me.

Now it's 4:30am and I'm going back to bed. See you later this afternoon!