Friday, September 5, 2014

The things we tell ourselves.....

It's Friday.  As I sit here, totally disgusted with the Braves, I can recall a conversation I had with some friends just yesterday.  I told them I hadn't blogged in a while because I felt like everything I had to say was negative and I didn't just want to complain all the time.  They gave me a different perspective.  "Sometimes it's just good to know that you aren't the only one, that others out there are having troubles just like you."  So here I am, hopefully not just airing my dirty laundry, but sharing my life and maybe connecting with someone somewhere.

It's been a rough few weeks.  The bathroom remodel is on 3 weeks now and we still don't have Steven's vanity.  (I'll explain that at the end.)  There have been several hiccups along the way.  Elijah is having some trouble in school.  We have an SST meeting scheduled for Monday.  We've been studying, playing education computer games, going over flashcards, etc. trying to help him keep up.  I could be almost homeschooling with the amount of work we are doing.  (The Marlins PITCHER just got a hit!  Ugh!  Maybe it's time to watch XFiles!)  Rec baseball season is starting and everyone has clubs they want to join, instruments to play and everything seems to cost money.  And the job that I was hoping for has hit a few snags and won't be as consistent as it has been in the past.

So, knowing that I am an emotional eater........I'm sure you can imagine my actions and internal dialogue over these last few weeks.  I found myself sitting on the couch thinking, "I'll just eat fruit and salad and drink only water for a week.  That should work."  Or, "Maybe things are going wrong because I haven't been spending enough time with God.  I'll get up early every morning and read my Bible."  All of those things may sound great on the surface, but you know you can't keep it up.  And then the first time you slip, you feel awful and go right back to your old ways.  It's a vicious cycle that never seems to end.  Then you end up feeling like a failure and just decide to give up entirely.  I tend to do that.  I can be at one extreme or the other, but rarely succeed in the middle. (That is one reason Steven complements me so well.  He is much more stable and can balance me out!)  It's all or nothing, full or empty, go all out or go home.  In some situations that is a good trait, but not for everyday life.

I'm trying to find a consistent routine (yes, routine.  I thrive on routine, just like Elijah.) that allows me to do what needs to be done around the house and the kids, still have time for Steven and even some time for myself (paint my nails, take a walk, etc).  I've discovered that one of my problems is laziness.  I would rather to nothing than something.  That's when I start thinking that God wants me to live a much fuller life than this and I think that spending more time with Him will help......but I'm too lazy to take that first step.

Anyway, all this, I guess, just to put it out there.  I'm asking for prayers to help me find my happy medium and be able to deal with the ins and outs of life.

On a much more positive note, so that not everything sounds down....Elijah passed both his 3s and 4s multiplication test today, Zach has adjusted well to middle school and is enjoying playing cello, and JJ starts rec baseball tomorrow so I get to see my favorite baseball player in action again.  Steven and I are taking ballroom dance lessons....and enjoying it, and the bathroom is almost done!  I'll be able to shower in it tomorrow night!  It's beautiful and elegant and everything I was hoping for.

So, the vanity story.  We originally ordered the vanities on July 28 so they would be here in time for the remodel.  They were delivered and everything was a go.  But, we the guys started, they discovered that Steven's vanity was delivered with no top (countertop, sink).  After 2 hours on the phone, I got them to send me out another (yes, I had to pay for another) and they would pick up what I have and give me a refund for the first one.  When the refund never came, I checked into it and found that it had been cancelled for some reason.  I was able to get it started again and even got a confirmation email.  During this time, I was tracking the delivery of the 2nd vanity because we needed here for the remodel.  It was in GA on Aug 29 so I thought we would get it early.  However, when I checked the next day, it was checked in in Maryland!  I checked several times over the next 2-3 days and it never left Maryland.  So today I called the shipper.  THEY LOST IT!  They have no idea where it is!  Here we go again.  So I called the retailer to let them know.  Once again, they want to refund me for that one and order me another one.  So we are now on our 3rd vanity.  I've yet to have any refunds on my credit card and the guys are going to be done tomorrow.  They are going to have to come back when (and if) we actually get the vanity so they can put it in.  Ugh!  (I had to let calm Steven settle that one because I was so livid that I was yelling at them and wasn't solving anything.)

Anyway, I'm guessing that many people, if not everyone, have felt this way at one time or another.  I welcome suggestions and prayers.  God is good all the time.  I just have to let Him in.

Thanks for listening!