Monday, January 26, 2015

Is it ok to be disappointed in/with your kids?

You want the best for your kids, right?  So what happens when they don't measure up to what you KNOW they can do?  Or if they tell you one thing that they want for themselves but their actions tell a completely different story?

I would ask my parents, if I could, if they ever felt this way.  However, they have been dead for 10-14 years now.  I haven't gotten much parenting help from my own parents.  So, maybe I'm asking anyone who reads this or just to get it out to make myself feel better.  I'm not sure which is my primary motive, but here it goes....

My middle son has inattentive ADD.  Not that big a deal, right?  He started on medication sometime last year and has been doing better ever since.  Last semester, he got all As in gifted and accelerated classes in middle school (a transition I truly thought he would struggle with).  I'm so proud of him!  I wake up this morning and was on the computer just checking on some school things and found out that he currently has 3 Cs in his classes.  He has gotten some bad grades and not turned some things in.  When I confronted him about it, he just says "I don't know".  My struggle is that I know he can do it, but he doesn't seem to want to?  Or doesn't care?  And trying to help him by keeping him on track stresses me out.  As he gets older, I try to take a more "hands off" approach to him, but I have read that the first year of middle school (especially with his challenges) isn't the best time.  So, do I stress myself out and spend my time making sure he is doing what he is supposed to be doing (since I know he can) or do I back off and let him do it on his own?  I told him this morning that I am not the type of mom that will catch him every time he falls.  I will let him fail.  I'm just not sure if this is the time to do that.

My oldest son is a baseball player.  That is what he has wanted to do since he was 2 years old.  He's played rec ball and travel ball for the last 10 years.  Next year he will be going to high school.  He wants to play ball for the school, get a scholarship, play in college and get an MLB contract.  I think that's great and he certainly could if he really worked at it.  That's just the problem.  He doesn't really work at it.  He knows almost everything there is to know about the game.  He goes to practice twice a week.  His coach (currently his father) requires his players to do workouts at home as well.  However, he doesn't want to do that.  He would rather look up sports news on his phone or shoot baskets or read.  How can he claim to be so passionate about something but completely put it off?  It's frustrating to me in a few ways; namely that he thinks things will just happen for him without hard work.  (Less importantly the money that I am putting out for him to play when he isn't putting his best effort into it.)

All that said, I love my kids!  I am super proud of each of them and would do anything for them.  I think that is why all this is so heavy on my heart.  I just want what is best for them.  I want them to have what they want and be happy.  I just can't control that.  I guess that is what is most frustrating to me.

In the meantime, I will continue to love them, continue to guide them, continue to pray for them and hope that they learn the necessary life lessons.  I also pray that I will be a good role model for them and practice what I preach.

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