An awkward beginning

 As of today, my boys, a senior and a freshman in high school, have been in school for one week.  This school year began very much like the last one ended, oddly.  There was no "meet your teacher" or run out and get school supplies on sale.  There were no butterflies in your stomach and trouble sleeping the night before.  They simply pulled up their schedules online, woke up that morning, and logged onto their computers. NOT your typical first day of school.  Not awful, mind you.  I'm not saying that it was terrible, just different.  

My youngest started high school but there was no finding his way around a new school or being met by upperclassmen.  My middle son started his senior year, but there was no walking into the building for his last first day of school, being big man on campus.  All things that they had been looking forward to for some time.

I'm not complaining.  I know that these are "unprecedented times" and everyone is doing what they can to make life go on and seem as normal as possible.  I so appreciate all the work of the teachers and staff of the schools that have worked so hard to make this digital learning thing work.  I am grateful that we live in a time where technology has advanced enough to allow the kids to do this.  (If this had happened when I was a kid, we would have just missed school.)  There are so many positives, it's just strange.

The plan was for them to phase into in-person learning by mid-September.  That is what my kids want.  They want to be in school and interact with friends, classmates, and teachers.  They want to walk the halls and change classes and have lunch in the cafeteria.  But today I found out that in-person learning will pretty much be digital learning inside the school building and I was devastated.  As were the boys.  Again, I'm not blaming anyone.  The school is trying to do the best they can with what they have and educate everyone according to their preferences.  I DO NOT envy that job!  But that wasn't what we were hoping for, so we have decided to keep them home doing digital learning until everyone can go back to school safely (whenever that will be) and have the normal school experience.  

Grateful again, because, even though I lost my job five months ago due to the pandemic, it was a God thing because I am able to stay home with my boys and help when needed.  No, they don't NEED me here, except maybe for the occasional technical issue, but I'm blessed to have the option.  I like to think it helps my youngest (ASD) because I am here to ask questions to make sure he understands that teachers would never think to ask him just because they don't know him the way I do.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I am currently feeling a plethora of emotions: sadness, thankfulness, frustration, gratefulness, isolated, blessed, disappointed, and contentment, all at the same time.  I'm spending time with my boys, brushing up on my Algebra skills, learning a lot about Zoom, getting some home projects done, and taking some time for myself.  It may not help the pocketbook, but it helps my soul and that is what matters most.

Thank you God for your provision!

An awkward end

My kids finished school this week.  No pomp and circumstance.  No feelings of relief or excitement for summer.  My middle son said it best, "There's no walking out of the building for the last time or saying bye to teachers and friends.  It doesn't feel like the school year is over."

I agree.  It doesn't feel like it's over, but it is.  And so one day at home spills over into the next, the only difference being that there is no school work to be done first thing now.  I hurt the most for those who are graduating.  I know quite a few high school and college seniors (my nephew, my neighbor, my high school friend's son, my cousin's son, my dear friend's daughter, a former children's pastor with a high school and college senior).  How disappointing this must be for them.  They've worked all these years to get to this point, to celebrate themselves and their accomplishments.  And now, it's just...over.  No prom, no graduation ceremony.  When they all left school back in March, they had no idea that they wouldn't be returning so there was no closure.  No saying goodbye or putting an end to that chapter of their lives.  I had a son graduate last year and another who will next year.  I know how I would feel if they were unable to experience that rite of passage.

So, a "new normal".  I hate that phrase.  It makes me feel as though things will never be the way they were.  And though I know some things may be different, it hurts me to think that life is forever changed down to the smallest detail because of this.

I continue to be out of work, collecting unemployment.  It was 2 months yesterday since I've been at work.  I miss working and I miss my coworkers.  I've looked for other jobs during this time but nothing is available that would offer what I left.  So, for now, I wait.  I've been doing projects at home: painting, cleaning, organizing, updating, etc.  I was motivated in the beginning but I find that, with each passing day, motivation is something that is harder to come by.  Yes, I'm putting on weight as well, as I'm sure many people are.  I try to stay active and watch what I eat, but it's hard when each day rolls into the next.  I'm still trying.

The boys seem ok.  Since the shelter in place has been lifted and some businesses are opening up again, Zach has been back to work and Joshua has been able to hang out with some friends.  They all enjoy each other's company so that is such a blessing and they are able to hang out day after day and entertain each other.  Whether it's basketball in the driveway, PS4, or a trip to RaceTrac for a drink, they get along so well.  I am truly blessed.

Tomorrow is a high school transition meeting for Elijah.  (I can't believe he's old enough to start high school!)  It will be via ZOOM, my first, but will hopefully get Elijah prepared to start high school as an ASD student.  I am praying that they will all be able to get back to their respective campuses in the fall.  Online was fine for a time, but isn't realistically sustainable. 

Steven continues working which is great!  He will go to his office or work from home, depending on the day.  The mall near us just opened back up so we get out sometimes just to go walk around the mall.

God is blessing us during this time with the unemployment.  To the point that we are able to use some to bless others who are in worse situations.  I am thankful that God is using this situation for good in our lives right now since I know that so many do not feel blessed.  Please know that God is always with you and it is not God that has done this to you, but He will help you through.

Unprecedented Times

It is day 5 of digital learning for the Zach and Elijah.  Zach broke up the monotony today by going to work at Little Barn (drive thru only) and will do schoolwork when he gets home.  Joshua is also home.  It was supposed to be his spring break from Valdosta State University but has turned in to something else all together.  Joshua will begin online classes, living at home, on March 30.  We will go down to Valdosta tomorrow to pick up his stuff from his dorm room.

I am on day 2 of being home.  My work, Medieval Times, has closed castles and now has closed the call center until further notice.  As with the boys' situations, it was quite unexpected.  This is what happens when a virus no one has seen before becomes rampant across the world.  We are all being encouraged to stay home if possible and not gather socially with more than 10 people.  It's boring but necessary.  I am getting some things done at home.

But it feels like a movie, so surreal.  Like "I Am Legend" or "Outbreak".  Nothing I ever thought I would be living out.  But here we are.  Re-learning how to live together as a family.  Learning how to live with an adult son who is used to being on his own.  Learning how to stay at home and not go hang out with friends or even shopping unless necessary.  Learning how to trust God all over again, knowing the He will provide for us and take care of us in this trying time.

But what about those people who are losing loved ones?  God will take care of them as well, just in a different way.  I can't explain what is happening or why.  All I know for sure is that God is still on the throne and He is in control.  And that is all I need.