The Fat is Back!

About a year ago, July 29, 2013, I started working at Medieval Times.  The dress was business casual.  I had been at home, working with kids or at the stadium for years.  I didn't have any clothes that would qualify as "business casual."  So, my sweet husband took me on a shopping trip to the mall so I could get some new clothes for my new job.  To top it all off, I had just lost about 25 pounds and felt great!  I was able to buy some nice clothes in sizes I hadn't even thought about in years!  If I can say so myself, I thought I looked pretty good at work, most days anyway.

Well, I left that job 2 1/2 months ago to pursue my own business.  Now, I'm back to wearing whatever I want.  I just sit in my home office all day listing items or out at yard sales.  No need to dress well for that.

This morning I put on one of those nicer blouses that I had purchased this time last year so I could wear it to church.  I didn't end up wearing it to church.  Much to my disappointment, the shirt was too tight.  Tight enough that I didn't feel comfortable wearing it.  Yes, the fat is back!

It didn't take very long to gain back just over half of the weight that I lost for my 40th birthday.  I have to say that I am very disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen to me.....again!  I was overweight as an early teenager, and I lost it.  I gained some more back in my early college days and lost it for my wedding.  I gained weight after giving birth to 3 kids and decided to lose it and get healthy before my 40th birthday.  I did.  And now it's back.  Ugh!  Here I go again.

My biggest problem, I am an emotional eater.  If I'm sad, something to eat will cheer me up.  If I'm frustrated with the kids, something to eat with calm me down.  I eat when I celebrate, I eat when I'm depressed.  Somehow I have associated food with just about every emotion that I feel.  Not only that, but exercise it not my favorite way to spend my time.  I have to say that, in 13 years of being home with my kids, I've gotten quite lazy.  I did enough work last year to lose the weight, then I stopped and went back to old habits.  Not on purpose, it just sort of happens.  Kind of like putting a frog in a pot of cool water and slowly heating it to a boil.

So here I am again.  Overweight.  Thinking, when I get dressed every day, what do I have to wear today that will be comfortable?  I hate that feeling!  I keep saying I'm going to do better.  And I do for about a day or two, then something happens and I falter again.  That happens to everyone, I know.  But I tend to give up entirely instead of taking it in stride and starting again.  But today, I've started again.  I went swimming with the boys (not for very long, but did enough to burn some calories.)  I' going to walk to dog every morning and every evening that I can for exercise.  And I'm back to using myfitnesspal.com to track my calories so I make sure I don't take in more than I work off.  It helps keep me on track.  I just get tired of having to keep track all the time!  It's frustrating and it wears me out mentally and emotionally.  But, until I get myself under control, this is what has to be done. If I want to snack or have a treat, I have to do an equal amount of work to make sure there are enough calories available.  This should and WILL become my lifestyle.  It may be tough, but I just try to keep in my something that my wonderful Mama used to say...

NOTHING tastes as good as being thin feels!