Here we go again....

I seem to have a difficult time making this a habit.  Sorry.  Not that anyone is out there hanging on the edge of their seat waiting to hear what I have to say.  But I think it would be therapeutic for me as well.  Also, I promised a dear international friend that I would try again so, here it goes.

This morning I signed off of Facebook.  I may return at some point, but I just believe this is the right move for me right now.  Many have asked why.  I'll try to keep the answer short.  The gist of it is, I feel I need to foster more personal relationships with a few people rather than a digital relationship with many.  Facebook just makes it too easy to not pick up a phone and call or invite someone over for some face time.

Steven and I have many of what we would call "acquaintances."  But very few "friends".  We don't get together with or talk to anyone on a regular basis.  Our family has dwindled down over the years to where we just have Steven's and my siblings (4 in all) left.  No grandparents for my kids.  No strong church ties and no small group community.  We have our baseball family during baseball season, but only then.  And it seems to change every year.  So, I was lying in bed last night, unable to sleep, when it hit me.  I could disappear and no one, outside of my house (because they would all starve to death!) would notice I was gone.  Deep, scary, I know.  But truthful.  I blame no one by myself.  We have moved many times in our marriage causing us to leave some friendships and make new ones.  As a result, we have friends all over the country and even the world (that's for you, Naomi!).  But we aren't close.  There is a need in my life for real relationships.  I see myself suffering from the lack, and my children too.

So, that's it in a nutshell.  I'm trying to force myself and my family to meet people on a more personal level.  To build deeper relationships that will last.  To develop confidants that I can go to in times like this when I need to talk and work things through.  To have someone who will listen and understand.  To have someone that I can be there for when they need it as well.  (So you don't think I'm being totally selfish.  I'm not.)  My kids and I could sit around all summer and not have any contact with people outside of church if we let that happen.  I don't want to let that happen.

I see it causing a problem in my kids.  They almost don't know how to behave when there are people around.  I haven't put them in that situation enough.  I tell you, it's not from lack of trying.  We didn't get this way overnight.  We have tried to maintain friendships and reach out to people, but people are either too busy or just not interested.  Steven and I have reasoned that, once you get to a certain age, your circle of friends is set.  Our constant moving every 4 years has caused us to be outside that circle. Again, I'm not blaming anyone!  This is just the truth of where we are now.  Since I see it, I want to fix it.

So we have a friend coming over today to swim.  Her kids are younger but she's lives close, goes to our church, and is very sweet.  That could turn into a great relationship.  She's already asked me some kids questions since I've been there.  And she seems like a sweet soul that would truly pray for me and help guide me when (not if) I needed it.  So we'll see where that goes.

I also invited a baseball family to see fireworks with us tomorrow night.  So I'm making strides.  We'll see where it goes.

Again, I write this not as a pity party for me or pointing fingers at others in our lives.  I share this only so that maybe it could help someone else who may find themselves in this situation.

Thanks!  I'll let you know how it goes.