Catching up...

It's been since Wednesday!?!?!?!??  Time seems to just get away from me.  Not sure I can even remember the past few days.  Give me a minute.......

That's right.  Thursday night was a late night.  We drove up to Toccoa, GA (just over an hour drive) to attend a memorial service for the father of a friend of Steven's, someone he grew up with.  It was a lovely service.  I didn't know him that well, just some words that we shared in passing (mostly about wrestling.  He was a HUGE Ric Flair fan!)  But it became apparent very quickly that this man touched MANY people's lives.

As I sat there, listening to person after another share how this many had impacted their lives, I started thinking....."How am I impacting lives?"  Then I realized...I'm not.  At that moment, I knew that no one would be standing at the podium sharing words like that about me.  Again, not a pity party for myself, just some self realization. (It has to be done in order to change, right?  According to Dr. Phil, you can't change want you don't acknowledge.)  The truth is, I don't have much contact with people in general.  Those I do, it's mostly in passing.  The people who were speaking of this man had shared life with him and his family.  Some of them for decades, some for a short time.  They knew each other more intimately than I really know anyone now.  They shared life, the good and the bad.

God has me on the Earth for a reason.  I'm still not fully sure what that purpose is, but I'm still working on it.  Regardless, He calls all of his children to have an impact on the lives of those around them.  I've noticed that I have a desire to help those around me when there is a need, but that desire fades as the need gets closer and I realize that I don't really want to interrupt the routine of my daily life.  That's awful, isn't it?  I know.  Getting out of my comfort zone is not an easy thing for me.  I'm working on it and am now actively looking for how I can help those around me and have an impact on their lives and bring glory to God (because He is the only one that can get me out of my comfort zone to do so!)  I'm also actively trying to share and live life with people.  It's getting better.

This man's 2 children got up and spoke about him as well.  That's what really got me.  Would my kids say the same kind of things about me?  I wondered.  You always see the worst in yourself that others don't see anyway.  I have that problem big time!  I know my kids love me.  But when I think of myself as a parent, all I seem to think about is the anger and frustration, the guilt trips and irritation that I share.  I love my kids and am so proud of each of them, but they all drive me crazy!  That's true of most parents, I'm sure.  I'm not not so good at controlling the crazy.  I see the bad things more than the good, in myself as well as others.  (I see that trait in one of my kids too and I hate it!)  God continually shows me that I can't control those things.  He tells me that I must focus on relating to Him and then all the other things will fall into place.  Sounds cool, right?  So why can't I do that?  I still try to juggle and control all the different aspects of my life instead of surrendering and giving in to just one aspect.  That may be the alternate definition of insanity.

I think it's because, since I was a teenager, I've had a tough time admitting that I can't handle my situation and need help.  I was in a tough relationship as a teen (yes, it's true!  Something I've vowed to keep MY kids from.)  It was controlling and degrading (I realized AFTER the fact) and caused me to come out on the other extreme at the end.  (My husband has been dealing with the effects for years.  He could tell you.)  And it has spilled over to spiritual things as well.  When circumstances get really bad (the death of my mom, my dad, the almost end of my marriage) I relate to God much better.  But every day, just because seems to elude me.  I'm still working on it, but would covet your prayers to get back to a good place with Jesus.  I am living life but would really like to take advantage of His promise of life to the fullest.

Anyway.....Steven and I are writing a book.  It's a "how to run a yard sale" book.  We've been doing this long enough that we know what people should and shouldn't do when they have a yard sale.  So we thought we would share that info with the world.  Not that anyone else would read it, but we like coming up with it.  It's fun.

I'm also in a job dilemma.  I've been working for myself for the last 2 1/2 months selling items online.  It is making money.  However, since Elijah has started therapy again, I'm looking for some part time work to help cover those bills.  Right now I have a few options and am just praying that God would help me choose the best one.  I would appreciate your prayers for that as well.  As well as the success of Elijah's therapy.

Well, the Braves just went up 3-2 on the Cubs in the 3rd inning so I am going to cheer them on.
Enjoy your weekend!